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Home alone
Leaving your child alone is a very difficult area of parenting as each country has its own set of rules and regulations and every child is different and parents and guardians have to make very differing decisions for each child and set of circumstances.
by Frances Holman
In the UK it is not illegal to leave a child at home alone at any age but if you do and something happens to that child because it was unsupervised then you can be prosecuted for failing to protect them. In Germany you can leave a young teen for a few hours home alone while here in Portugal twelve is the age at which parents can allow children to be at home without them.
In my opinion it comes down to common sense. Leaving small children at home alone is very unwise as their behaviour is unpredictable at the best of times and you can never be sure what they will do. Even when they are asleep it is inadvisable as they could wake and become very distressed that no one was there for them. This could then build up a fear of going to sleep as you may go out and leave them which can create problems at bedtimes
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
When they are old enough to be answering the phone or door then it is not good practise for them to be saying there are no adults at home, particularly in today’s society in which the abduction or harming of children are an all too common occurrence. Clear guidance needs to be given to all youngsters as to what to say and do when people call and how to get help if they are uncertain about a caller. Each child is different and just because one 10 year old is allowed to do something does not mean you should allow the same freedom to another child of the same age. It is an individual decision to be taken by the parent as the person who knows your child best.
Getting down to work
In today’s current economic climate it is more usual for both parents to be working and it can be difficult to coordinate that an adult is always home when children return from school but that is often the time when it is important for a youngster to have an adult there to share a particular event, either good or bad, that has occurred in their school day. Once children reach senior school they feel it is quite grown up to be able to return home alone and it should be
Leaving your child alone is a very difficult area of parenting as each country has its own set of rules and regulations and every child is different and parents and guardians have to make very differing decisions for each child and set of circumstances.
by Frances Holman
In the UK it is not illegal to leave a child at home alone at any age but if you do and something happens to that child because it was unsupervised then you can be prosecuted for failing to protect them. In Germany you can leave a young teen for a few hours home alone while here in Portugal twelve is the age at which parents can allow children to be at home without them.
In my opinion it comes down to common sense. Leaving small children at home alone is very unwise as their behaviour is unpredictable at the best of times and you can never be sure what they will do. Even when they are asleep it is inadvisable as they could wake and become very distressed that no one was there for them. This could then build up a fear of going to sleep as you may go out and leave them which can create problems at bedtimes
Knock, knock. Who’s there?
When they are old enough to be answering the phone or door then it is not good practise for them to be saying there are no adults at home, particularly in today’s society in which the abduction or harming of children are an all too common occurrence. Clear guidance needs to be given to all youngsters as to what to say and do when people call and how to get help if they are uncertain about a caller. Each child is different and just because one 10 year old is allowed to do something does not mean you should allow the same freedom to another child of the same age. It is an individual decision to be taken by the parent as the person who knows your child best.
Getting down to work
In today’s current economic climate it is more usual for both parents to be working and it can be difficult to coordinate that an adult is always home when children return from school but that is often the time when it is important for a youngster to have an adult there to share a particular event, either good or bad, that has occurred in their school day. Once children reach senior school they feel it is quite grown up to be able to return home alone and it should be
Children may get disoriented should they wake and their parents are missing even if only next door
“Do not expect your youngster to get to bed at a reasonable time or do the washing up just be grateful the house has not been completely destroyed in your absence.”
IN CASE OF EMERGENCY
CALL 112
This connects to the police, ambulance
and fire services
and fire services
made clear to them what they can and can not do in the intervening time before you return. Asking them to let you know when they have reached home is sensible as this gives them the opportunity to tell you if there is a problem and you can confirm with them when you are likely to get home.
If possible I would suggest that, having had a drink and a snack, and maybe half an hour winding down, that they start on home work. There seems to be an ever increasing amount, especially as important exams approach (and in Portuguese schools homework starts when the child starts school). This will begin to teach them the self discipline of having to work unsupervised which, if they do learn it, will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. Also if they have done some school work before you get home this can be an opportunity for praise and one less thing to be nagging them about whilst also giving you the opportunity of more family time later in the evening.
Many Portuguese schools offer opportunities for children to do their work in supervised homework clubs and this, I think, is a great idea as it means that they are not working alone and do not have the many distractions that being at home offers. There is a cost implication but from talking to parents who use this service it is money well spent. This may mean that your youngster still gets home before you but will not be there alone for quite so long.
Bit by bit
When starting to consider leaving children alone at home then to leave them while you slip out for a few minutes to the local shop, post office or the like, is a good way to begin. Some children can feel very anxious at being left so the time you are leaving them needs to be built up slowly.
It is a very different thing to leave them at home while you go out and come back, for whatever length of time, than asking a child to enter an empty house. One youngster I know, aged 15, would come in from school and go into every room to make sure he was the only one there before he took off his coat and relaxed. If they do feel anxious about being there then it is good for them to have a back-up plan, such as going to the neighbour or a friend that lives near by. They may never need it but will feel happier if it is in place. Do not forget that the statements of: “I am all right” and “I do not need anyone there”, are frequently said with more confidence than that actually felt in order to appear grown up and win approval.
Overnighters
Home alone overnight needs to be much more carefully thought out and I would never suggest leaving one youngster on their own. When you feel it is time to give this a try then I would suggest that they have a sensible friend to stay and you do not go too far away. If you were to go to a friend’s house for the evening and planned to stay overnight then you would be contactable if there was a problem.
Do not expect your youngster to get to bed at a reasonable time or do the washing up just be grateful the house has not been completely destroyed in your absence. They can help with the clearing up once their friend has gone so as not lose face in front of their pal. You appear to be really cool parents if nothing is said until then too.
Health and safety
Naturally ensuring your child will be safe from unnecessary accidents in your absence is paramount. Matches, lighters, alcohol, medicines, etc., should all be strategically placed out of reach of the children until the parents are assured of the child’s understanding of the dangers. It may be wise to turn off the gas as well.
The child should be aware of emergency procedures should anything untoward happen and they need to vacate the home, but at the same time, especially in homes with swimming pools, precautions must be taken to ensure that the younger children cannot reach the pool without an adult present.
If possible I would suggest that, having had a drink and a snack, and maybe half an hour winding down, that they start on home work. There seems to be an ever increasing amount, especially as important exams approach (and in Portuguese schools homework starts when the child starts school). This will begin to teach them the self discipline of having to work unsupervised which, if they do learn it, will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. Also if they have done some school work before you get home this can be an opportunity for praise and one less thing to be nagging them about whilst also giving you the opportunity of more family time later in the evening.
Many Portuguese schools offer opportunities for children to do their work in supervised homework clubs and this, I think, is a great idea as it means that they are not working alone and do not have the many distractions that being at home offers. There is a cost implication but from talking to parents who use this service it is money well spent. This may mean that your youngster still gets home before you but will not be there alone for quite so long.
Bit by bit
When starting to consider leaving children alone at home then to leave them while you slip out for a few minutes to the local shop, post office or the like, is a good way to begin. Some children can feel very anxious at being left so the time you are leaving them needs to be built up slowly.
It is a very different thing to leave them at home while you go out and come back, for whatever length of time, than asking a child to enter an empty house. One youngster I know, aged 15, would come in from school and go into every room to make sure he was the only one there before he took off his coat and relaxed. If they do feel anxious about being there then it is good for them to have a back-up plan, such as going to the neighbour or a friend that lives near by. They may never need it but will feel happier if it is in place. Do not forget that the statements of: “I am all right” and “I do not need anyone there”, are frequently said with more confidence than that actually felt in order to appear grown up and win approval.
Overnighters
Home alone overnight needs to be much more carefully thought out and I would never suggest leaving one youngster on their own. When you feel it is time to give this a try then I would suggest that they have a sensible friend to stay and you do not go too far away. If you were to go to a friend’s house for the evening and planned to stay overnight then you would be contactable if there was a problem.
Do not expect your youngster to get to bed at a reasonable time or do the washing up just be grateful the house has not been completely destroyed in your absence. They can help with the clearing up once their friend has gone so as not lose face in front of their pal. You appear to be really cool parents if nothing is said until then too.
Health and safety
Naturally ensuring your child will be safe from unnecessary accidents in your absence is paramount. Matches, lighters, alcohol, medicines, etc., should all be strategically placed out of reach of the children until the parents are assured of the child’s understanding of the dangers. It may be wise to turn off the gas as well.
The child should be aware of emergency procedures should anything untoward happen and they need to vacate the home, but at the same time, especially in homes with swimming pools, precautions must be taken to ensure that the younger children cannot reach the pool without an adult present.
